"Metro Rider's Guide" in the Express is the worst map of all time

I spotted this on @imgoph's Twitter today: it's a "Metro Rider's Guide" that the Express newspaper published on Wednesday. However, it appears that whoever made the map has never ridden the Metro, and possibly never actually been to DC.

There is literally nothing correct with this map, except that they did get DC's boundary right, and they put Maryland and Virginia in the right place. Other than that, it's terrible. (Click it for a bigger version.)

For one, it puts the Georgia Ave/Petworth Metro somewhere in far western NW DC. That looks like the Palisades. The Green line does not go there. The Benning Road Metro on the Orange and Blue lines located right next to Nationals Park in SE DC. Then the Suitland Metro is located near the very southern tip of DC, when it fact it's about 6 miles to the east of there. You know, in Suitland, Maryland, rather than Washington, DC. The Silver Spring Station seems to be in northern Bethesda, meaning the Red line in the Glenmont/Silver Spring direction would take you in the same direction as the Red line to Shady Grove, while Pentagon City is not in Arlington at all, but rather sort of in the middle of Lake Barcroft. Roughly.

In short, if you use this Metro Rider's Guide, you will be completely lost. You might even end up on whatever planet whoever made this map is from.